Life in 7 Minutes or Less

...Upstairs/Downstairs "I Spy"

the time...2:05 a.m...the date, Sunday, August 31...the sounds..VH-1 (Liz Phair to be exact)

I spy...ballroom dance class rejects attempting to reach some sort of new found glory.
...enough nicotine in the air to choke an elephant, or maybe a very large Virginia mountain woman.
...midget fratboys and their large hipped women.
...an old restaurant ice container converted into a urinal.
...drunk rednecks from the hills of Tennessee.
...me praying for an escape.

That's about all I can think of now. So here I am, fresh from flushing my eyes out, with a headache that would kill Satan himself...hoping for a good night's sleep...so, what do you say I get started on that? Pleasant dreams, folks.

...hello, Clarice.

the time...8:46 p.m...the date, Monday, August 25...the program...Road Rules: South Pacific

So, here I am. Freshly arrived from my first night of my Legal Training Course. HORSESHIT! Aside from being the sole alpha male (was that redundant?) in a room full of former pre-teen mothers, (Springer, eat your heart out) getting to the conference room where this course is taught was an adventure in itself. It's being taught in a rehab facility (who shall remain nameless). I walked in, approached this solid glass cube where a lone receptionist awaited my greeting...I signed in, received a facility pass that I had to clip to my shirt, signed a confidentiality agreement that I would not discuss anything I came in contact with while I was in the building, was escorted by a nurse to a locked door, about 4 inches of thick steel, walked down a long corridor to an elevator, rode to the second floor, and was escorted to the conference room in question. This whole experience was straight out of "The Silence of the Lambs." I was not so eagerly awaiting the splashing in the face of some patient's bodily fluid. CRRRRRRAZY! My first impression of this course was not so great. Aside from the fact that I truly believe it will kick my butt in the same manner as my previous classes, I'm sadly not feeling the vibe I did in my other ones, the vibe that helped to motivate me to finish it out. We'll wait and see. I'll just have to suck it up and be a trooper for a few months. This too shall pass...

...and so will my ass...from Tulane to a different school. Going to a satellite campus is not all it's cracked up to be. The administration in New Orleans seems to be partaking of the Bourbon Street tempations a bit too often, seeing as how I'm receiving letters notifying me that I have been placed on academic probation (attention: Paul does NOT do probation in any way, shape or form)...oh yes folks, it happened...so, I called New Orleans this morning and they notified me that it was a computer error, and to disregard the letter. Whatthefuck? Seriously, get with the game, folks. We'll see how it pans out, but I definitely see myself switching to yet ANOTHER school. AHHH!

So, I've vented...there you have it. Hope something cheery happens soon...;-)

Goodnight, peeps.

...I want my title back...

...the time...8:38 p.m...the day...Sunday, August 17...the music...nothing....just the sound of the t.v.

I was just thinking...I had wanted to name my original blog "Life, or Something Like It," but that title was already taken, and since I'm slightly fond of Angelina Jolie, I decided to let her have the title...so it became known as "Tales of a Therapy Junkie." This little bit of information makes no sense, and has no importance whatsoever, so asking me why I even bothered to type out this little paragraph will simply be a waste of your time...

I know it's been a week since my last blog, but I was virused...both in the technological and physical sense...my laptop was the unfortunate victim of the Blaster worm, which took a good 2 or so days to completely get over, and I was the victim of a nasty stomach bug...five days of stomach cramps and frequent (and I do mean FREQUENT) visits to the toilet. When all was said and done (and it's still mumbling slightly), I lost five pounds and a few hours from work...I ended up finishing my final exam in five minutes, which is terrifying seeing as how I really wanted to do well, and now I'm not so sure I was able to do as good as I had wanted. But, I'm on the mend...

...and now...I'm sitting here, flipping between a couple of made for cable movies..."See Jane Date" and "Red Water." Both are decent, could have been made much better, and I'm not even sure why I'm watching either of them. It's probably because each has someone I like in the cast...Charisma Carpenter and Kristy Swanson respectively..."Red Water's" making a mistake by turning Ms. Swanson's character into a wimp...this is the original "Buffy," folks...let's not forget that. HEY! Am I the only one who heard that T.G.I.F. is coming back to Friday nights? Remember the original? I know someone has to remember...it was the perfect line up of sitcoms...we had "Full House," "Perfect Strangers," "Family Matters," and "Just the 10 of Us." Wait..."Full House" was on T.G.I.F., wasn't it? Well, guess they're trying to bring it back, although I don't see how it would even compare to the fond childhood memories of the late 80's...

...and holy shit! Has anyone seen the trailer for the new "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Whether the movie blows or not, it's one hell of a preview. Completely unnerving. Wow...I've had nothing of any depth to speak of tonight, but I do appreciate being able to bring this all entertainment edition of my blog to your screens....hahaha! Goodnight my people...

...wide-eyed moon...

...the time...12:16 a.m...the day...Saturday, August 9...the music...silence...

Yes boys and girls, it's just past midnight on this Friday night...technically Saturday morning, and here I am..."Why, on a weekend night?" you ask? Simply put...I have finals. A final report due midnight Sunday, and then a final exam this coming Wednesday...so, I have sacrificed any amount of fun I may have had this weekend in the greater name of education. I am so completely disconnected from the world...really, I am. Wow...and at such a young age. I actually don't have much to say...strange, isn't it? I'm tired, mostly. Worn out. It's been a tough week. Extremely physicaly, mentally draining, the usual combo. But, I just have to tough it out for a few more days and then it'll be over for a couple of weeks. Whew. Let me wipe the sweat from my brow! So, I'm not even going to force myself to babble any longer...I added a few more things to my list...I'll post them here, and then bid you goodnight...

...the list continued...

26) That cutting dairy out of your diet doesn’t help you lose weight.
27) That sometimes, you really are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
28) That 9 times out of 10, hairy palms are a sign of bad genetics and nothing more.
29) That everyone has that -one- kiss you’ll never, ever forget.
30) That beer before liquor makes you sicker.
31) That people generally make it a point to not know who they really are.
32) That good people really do exist.
33) That fighting often with a loved one means that you care about each other, but fighting with a loved one all the time means that there really isn’t all that much love to begin with.
34) That with absolution comes guilt, but with guilt comes motivation to do better.
35) That little white lies are uttered by everyone, everywhere...and the only thing that matters is that yours was the most creative. :-)
36) That the U.S. would be a better place to live if Ozzy were President.
37) That we all have a secret crush on the 80's.
38) That singing and dancing are both hella cool...when no one’s around.
39) That having to pay to be healthy isn’t all that just, or humane.
40) That genuine fur manufacturer’s should have the shit kicked out of them.
41) That the creature with the purest, most untainted heart I know, is my Chihuahua.
42) That choosing the red or blue pill isn’t as easy as it seems.
43) That we all have a Steve Stifler in our lives.
44) That in a group of women friends, there’s always the smart one, always the funny one, and then there’s the ho.
45) That at one point or another, we all tried to watch scrambled porn.

And there you have it...numbers 26 through 45...and with that my lovelies...goodnight.

p.

...the list of the learned...

...the time...9:47 p.m...the day...Tuesday, the 5th of August...the music...Fatboy Slim f/Macy Gray...

First things first...there, that's better. This song, "Love Life" was working my nerves, so I took care of that right away. Whew! I'm steaming hot, boys and girls! Just got back from my nightly jog with a side of walk. I hate trying to get in shape, I really do. Exercise is just the pits...and I'm not talking about Brad and Jennifer. That was a shit-awful joke, wasn't it? That's what I thought. Anyhow, I needed to go for some sort of physical activity...I was stressing over my final project for my Internet Research class. I was assigned the topic "America Shouldn't Leave the United Nations." Hello! I spent over an hour and a half trying to pick apart the various search engines for just five small websites that support that statement, and I have come up with nothing. I think I'm going to e-mail my professor and beg for a new topic. It's only fair, right? I think I got the shaft as far as topic assignments go.

So, today, when I got home (I was supposed to stay and work late tonight...hehehe...left 5 minutes early...ha!) and I checked my e-mail like I always do. Checked out my friend Ryan's (ATL Ryan) online confessional, found a letter I had written to an old friend years ago, and then it hit me...I'm going to make a list of everything I've learned in my life so far...and I mean, the more you live, the more you learn, so the list will be ever growing. And I'm not speaking of information you'd gain in trig class, or when the Declaration of Independence was signed...I'm talking about the little things that life teaches you each day...I've come up with 25 things so far, and I'll think of many more...but I'm going to post them here in this blog, and then add to it as I see fit...but I encourage everyone to do the same...and then we can compare from time to time...I think it'd be fun...and probably uplifting or life affirming, even. Feel free to comment...I wish blogger had a tool for allowing people who read this to post their thoughts, too...maybe I'll add the chosen few to that list that allows readers of my choice to add to my blog...we'll see what happens...but in the meantime...here are the first 25...or is it 26? We'll see...hold please...and here it is...the beginning of THE LIST:

Things I’ve Learned in my 25 years of life...so far...

1) That retail is of the devil.
2) That sunsets will never bore me, no matter how many I see.
3) That the sound of the ocean will always choke me up on the inside.
4) That walking barefoot through the grass is a childhood pleasure I’ll never let go of.
5) That people use the word “friend” way too liberally.
6) That having a best friend makes you one of the chosen few.
7) That not all people who go by “Bubba” are necessarily bad.
8) That pure, calming silence is a gift.
9) That searching for the one thing that completes you will make you forget that it has always rested within.
10) That “Showgirls” really isn’t that bad of a movie.
11) That high school is an entity that you spend years trying to get over, but never really do.
12) That first loves bring the sweetest kind of pain.
13) That everyone secretly wants to be either a member of, or one of the “Friends”
14) That God never really forgets who or where you are.
15) That grace really does appear at the most opportune moment.
16) That nothing will ever compare to recess.
17) That we all break a little wind when we laugh really, really hard.
18) That the person you least expected, will forever be a part of your life.
19) That someone talks just as bad about you, as you talk about them.
20) That innocence is the one thing we all lose, but will never stop looking for.
21) That grown men really do cry.
22) That we’d never admit it, but everyone knows at least one line from any given Britney Spears song.
23) That clowns scare just about everyone.
24) That at one point or another, we all forget the true meaning of Christmas.
25) That it’s easier for someone to hear an insult about themselves than it is to shoulder a complement.

...you can't always get what you want

The time: 7:13 p.m...the day...Friday, August 1...the music...Rolling Stones...the book..."The Rules of Attraction"

Bret Easton Ellis is either brilliant, yet jaded and with an uber-cynical mind, or else he is a complete, raving psychotic. I'd like to be optimistic and vote for the former. This is easily the most skewered (is that a word?), twisted, mind-fuck of a book I've ever read, and I honestly feel sorry for the sorry bloke (thank you, BBC) with the weak stomach who tries to give this book a read. Whoo!

Today was infinitely better than yesterday, which says a lot. Yesterday more or less resembled the puddle of vomit that would exist if Hell ate some bad cheese and decided to purge after the fact. Last night was just as bad as the day at work was. First of all, I can't even imagine what I looked like to the cars passing me by, but I turned into some sort of wannabe yuppie, as I was at the running track with my cell phone in one hand, the headset in my right ear, and a heated conversation passing between the satellite links. I was on the phone with a friend (who shall remain nameless, seeing as how I DO have respect for other people, and I probably shouldn't worry about you reading this, because actually understanding something I write here would require some amount of character depth, which is sorely lacking in your case)...whew...off on a tangent...reeling myself back in...ok, good, here I am again.

You know, people complain. God knows that I do it daily...and for some unknown, cosmically proven reason, people feel the need to come to me when something is wrong. And I'm not knocking that in the least. I feel good about myself when someone else feels that they can approach me with a problem they're having. What I don't like or enjoy is how I sometimes get gutted when I offer some advice, or a point of view. Please, please, PLEASE...don't bring your pseudo-Freudian problems to me, acting as if you're CRAVING feedback, and then throw shit in my face when you get the feedback. Oh yeah. Oh yes, people. My pooch got screwed last night...uh-huh...got accused of being everything from a hypocrite to a fake. Trust me...that went over well.

Everyone is hypocritical to a point, and that's just life...but I don't go out of my way to do so, and I try to keep both eyes open to avoid just that...and fake? I'd like to think that I'm as real as they come. I have nothing extra special to offer the people in my life. What I have is my honesty, and my compassion and my biting sense of super-sarcastic humor. If you come to me with an issue, a problem, a whatever, the truth is all I have to offer you in return. And hopefully, if one is receptive to that, a new point of view will be created, a newer and clearer vision of what it was that was bothering them will be seen...but some insist of running down the path of "being the victim" and lashing out when they don't like what the truth has in store. I believe in honesty. I believe in kinship. I believe that I am of no use to a friend if I sugar-coat an issue. Nothing will be gained by doing that. So, I say what's on my mind. I always have. If it's unpleasant, it's not meant to hurt or offend...it comes from a place of sincerity and of my wanting to look out for whoever. I know that is one huge reason that God put me on this earth, and that is to look after others, so it really does bother me when I get such an adverse reaction, and it saddens me because it just proves that those who I thought were the closest, don't even know who I am. I think it's time for a cleansing, folks...toxicity will not be tolerated any longer. Uh-oh....

So, in better, happier news, I have completed the arrangement for my jaunt to the Windy City. I can't wait, PERIOD. The end of September can't get here an faster, if you ask me. It's going to be a great few days. I will spend some quality time at my Grandfather's grave, that's really the main reason I'm going. But my last two days will be spent downtown, in the heart of it all. One block from Oprah's home, across the street from Lake Michigan, to the left of Rush Street and diagonally across from the John Hancock (snicker) Building...and if I'm not mistaken, during the city jazz festival, which should totally rock...I hope I'm not mistaken....I'd love to take some of that in. So, if anyone wants to go, wants to meet me there....get in touch. It's sure to be what I like to refer to as....GOOD TIMES!

I have rambled my welcome away...better go now. I promise to have something happy posted soon.

goodnight, my hella cool peeps...

paul