Friday, January 13, 2006
...the new year...
...there was a cold, cold wind, and it blew and blew. It blew over rooftops and tree tops, too...
All we are are frail leaves, riding on the shoulders of a great wind, right? It won't let up today, not one bit. A breeze found its strength and grew into a full formed gust. It circles around me as I try to walk, holding me back as I try to reach my goal. And though the walk is harder today, I still press on. It might push and pull, but it never stops me, because I'm doing all I know how to do...I keep moving forward.
Isn't that all any of us can do? I move forward every day, but now, I do so while living in the past. I am trying to track down all the old souls I spent the formative years of my life with. It is nearing the 10 year mark since I graduated from good ole high school. Where are you folks? I'm looking and trying to find. If any of you are reading this, you know how to find me.
After all that has happened recently, I think a good night of retarded memory-lane tripping induced laughter would do us all some good.
Tonight's post is hollow, and for that, I apologize. A good night's rest may give me more to ponder and write about on a future date...until then...sleep the good sleep, dream the good dream...
P.
...there was a cold, cold wind, and it blew and blew. It blew over rooftops and tree tops, too...
All we are are frail leaves, riding on the shoulders of a great wind, right? It won't let up today, not one bit. A breeze found its strength and grew into a full formed gust. It circles around me as I try to walk, holding me back as I try to reach my goal. And though the walk is harder today, I still press on. It might push and pull, but it never stops me, because I'm doing all I know how to do...I keep moving forward.
Isn't that all any of us can do? I move forward every day, but now, I do so while living in the past. I am trying to track down all the old souls I spent the formative years of my life with. It is nearing the 10 year mark since I graduated from good ole high school. Where are you folks? I'm looking and trying to find. If any of you are reading this, you know how to find me.
After all that has happened recently, I think a good night of retarded memory-lane tripping induced laughter would do us all some good.
Tonight's post is hollow, and for that, I apologize. A good night's rest may give me more to ponder and write about on a future date...until then...sleep the good sleep, dream the good dream...
P.
Monday, December 26, 2005
The End of a Year...
Well, Christmas has come and gone already...the official date, that is. The holiday itself, the spirit of it and what not, well, I'm feeling like it's still going strong. It has been a year of the craziest of events. From people coming together, to people moving apart. Babies were born, grandparents were taken away. Natural disasters were the "in" thing this year and people still embraced their ignorance. But despite it all, families and friends hung tight. Bonds were tested but never broken, and for those of us who lived through the challenges, the lives of those around us will forever be bound together by one of the greatest accomplishments of all: survival.
So, to you all, I wish you a very, very Merry Christmas and the Happiest and Healthiest of New Years...
I found these words that I kind of liked, so I'll leave on this hopeful note:
"City lights shine on the harbour,
night has fallen down,
through the darkness
and the shadow
I will still go on.
Long, long journey
through the darkness,
long, long way to go;
but what are miles
across the ocean
to the heart that's coming home?"
Peace.
Well, Christmas has come and gone already...the official date, that is. The holiday itself, the spirit of it and what not, well, I'm feeling like it's still going strong. It has been a year of the craziest of events. From people coming together, to people moving apart. Babies were born, grandparents were taken away. Natural disasters were the "in" thing this year and people still embraced their ignorance. But despite it all, families and friends hung tight. Bonds were tested but never broken, and for those of us who lived through the challenges, the lives of those around us will forever be bound together by one of the greatest accomplishments of all: survival.
So, to you all, I wish you a very, very Merry Christmas and the Happiest and Healthiest of New Years...
I found these words that I kind of liked, so I'll leave on this hopeful note:
"City lights shine on the harbour,
night has fallen down,
through the darkness
and the shadow
I will still go on.
Long, long journey
through the darkness,
long, long way to go;
but what are miles
across the ocean
to the heart that's coming home?"
Peace.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
How You Can Help:
If you don't know by now, much aide and assistance has already been transported to this ravaged area, but so much more is needed...
And as a person who was in need of said assistance, please let me assure you that the money you donate does indeed make it into the hands of the people who need it the most and that every single penny that is donated is appreciate more than you can possibly imagine. Please visit the following links to learn more about how you can help make a difference in the restructuring of a region and the rebuilding of thousands of lives...
The American Red Cross
1-800-HELP NOW
or
www.redcross.org
____________________________________________________________________________________
John Grisham's Rebuild The Coast Fund
www.rebuildthecoast.org
____________________________________________________________________________________
Habitat for Humanity Hurricane Response
www.habitat.org/disaster/2005/katrina
____________________________________________________________________________________
Anything donated will be appreciated by so many. Please encourage others in your life to take action as well.
If you don't know by now, much aide and assistance has already been transported to this ravaged area, but so much more is needed...
And as a person who was in need of said assistance, please let me assure you that the money you donate does indeed make it into the hands of the people who need it the most and that every single penny that is donated is appreciate more than you can possibly imagine. Please visit the following links to learn more about how you can help make a difference in the restructuring of a region and the rebuilding of thousands of lives...
The American Red Cross
1-800-HELP NOW
or
www.redcross.org
____________________________________________________________________________________
John Grisham's Rebuild The Coast Fund
www.rebuildthecoast.org
____________________________________________________________________________________
Habitat for Humanity Hurricane Response
www.habitat.org/disaster/2005/katrina
____________________________________________________________________________________
Anything donated will be appreciated by so many. Please encourage others in your life to take action as well.
A.K. (After Katrina) Day 31
Four weeks have passed since the storm made landfall. You would think with a complete month gone by that being able to express what happened and what you see everyday would be a little easier to do, but it's not. With each day comes a small ounce of progress, but the clarity that we all need is far from present. It is still such a surreal existence that we are all leading here. Most citizens who are fortunate enough to still have a job have returned to their workplace. The traffic grows in exponential numbers every day. You no longer hear stories of looting or violence, but you have to wonder if it's all just being concealed so as to not cause more panic.
One by one, merchants are reopening their doors to the weary public. If a restaurant finds itself open, it also finds itself under siege by a surge of hungry Mississippians.
You know, I am sitting here and I am trying and trying to think of what to say and how to say it, but it's just not working out. When I try to relay what I think and how I feel, it's as if my mind leaves my body and cuts off all communication. I think all of us who live on the Coast have reached our points of saturation. We've absorbed all we can and the rest is just spilling over like a pot of boiling water. I try not to say what I really want to say because I would run the risk of sounding spoiled or selfish or unappreciative of what I am blessed enough to still have. But I can't just silence emotion, right? That would make me a false presence...and I don't want to sugar-coat what the people of this region are feeling...and I doubt I'm the only one that feels what I do.
But the truth is, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of everything that's happened and that is still going on. I want my travel time to return to what it used to. I am tired of hearing the horror stories and I am over seeing people cry. I absolutely hate most of what I see every single day. I want to do nothing but run for higher ground, but something inside me is intent on labeling that act as being a traitor to my home. I am tired of being a charity case. I am over having to "dig deeper" for whatever I may be lacking at any given time.
I have these moments of emotional barfing...I'm sure all of us here have these moments. But as always, I am forced to check myself...to slap myself back into reality and humble my soul by looking around me at the very things I want to escape. I have no idea what I'm saying tonight folks, and that's the point I'm trying to make. Clarity? What is that? Where did it go? When will it be back? Please feel free to sit and wait with me until it does...should I check to see if I must take a number?
I have taken quite a few pictures of the parts of the area we are allowed to travel in. I am working on a template to post them here on the site, so just be patient. My friends "The Mick" and "The Cleaner" have started a post-Katrina blog of their own, so I encourage anyone who reads this to check their's out as well. You can find it by pointing your browser to www.grassrootsproject.typepad.com
And if I may venture off on a tangent for just a moment...all too often, we tend to be sickened by what the mass media throws at us on a regular basis, but every now and then, especially in cases like this, you are reminded of the power of true journalism and I just wanted to throw a special "Thank You" out to all of the reporters who have been in the trenches with us, and who have worked tirelessly to bring much needed attention and aide to the area...Anderson Cooper, Rob Marciano, Robin Roberts, Bill Hemmer...the list goes on and on.
Enough now. My mind is tired. It is time for some sleep and hopefully, a good dream...and may you have the same as well...
P.
Four weeks have passed since the storm made landfall. You would think with a complete month gone by that being able to express what happened and what you see everyday would be a little easier to do, but it's not. With each day comes a small ounce of progress, but the clarity that we all need is far from present. It is still such a surreal existence that we are all leading here. Most citizens who are fortunate enough to still have a job have returned to their workplace. The traffic grows in exponential numbers every day. You no longer hear stories of looting or violence, but you have to wonder if it's all just being concealed so as to not cause more panic.
One by one, merchants are reopening their doors to the weary public. If a restaurant finds itself open, it also finds itself under siege by a surge of hungry Mississippians.
You know, I am sitting here and I am trying and trying to think of what to say and how to say it, but it's just not working out. When I try to relay what I think and how I feel, it's as if my mind leaves my body and cuts off all communication. I think all of us who live on the Coast have reached our points of saturation. We've absorbed all we can and the rest is just spilling over like a pot of boiling water. I try not to say what I really want to say because I would run the risk of sounding spoiled or selfish or unappreciative of what I am blessed enough to still have. But I can't just silence emotion, right? That would make me a false presence...and I don't want to sugar-coat what the people of this region are feeling...and I doubt I'm the only one that feels what I do.
But the truth is, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of everything that's happened and that is still going on. I want my travel time to return to what it used to. I am tired of hearing the horror stories and I am over seeing people cry. I absolutely hate most of what I see every single day. I want to do nothing but run for higher ground, but something inside me is intent on labeling that act as being a traitor to my home. I am tired of being a charity case. I am over having to "dig deeper" for whatever I may be lacking at any given time.
I have these moments of emotional barfing...I'm sure all of us here have these moments. But as always, I am forced to check myself...to slap myself back into reality and humble my soul by looking around me at the very things I want to escape. I have no idea what I'm saying tonight folks, and that's the point I'm trying to make. Clarity? What is that? Where did it go? When will it be back? Please feel free to sit and wait with me until it does...should I check to see if I must take a number?
I have taken quite a few pictures of the parts of the area we are allowed to travel in. I am working on a template to post them here on the site, so just be patient. My friends "The Mick" and "The Cleaner" have started a post-Katrina blog of their own, so I encourage anyone who reads this to check their's out as well. You can find it by pointing your browser to www.grassrootsproject.typepad.com
And if I may venture off on a tangent for just a moment...all too often, we tend to be sickened by what the mass media throws at us on a regular basis, but every now and then, especially in cases like this, you are reminded of the power of true journalism and I just wanted to throw a special "Thank You" out to all of the reporters who have been in the trenches with us, and who have worked tirelessly to bring much needed attention and aide to the area...Anderson Cooper, Rob Marciano, Robin Roberts, Bill Hemmer...the list goes on and on.
Enough now. My mind is tired. It is time for some sleep and hopefully, a good dream...and may you have the same as well...
P.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Life in a Post-Katrina World
Hi again. It is I. I know it's been a few months. For those of you who don't know, I am alive, I did make it. Most of you do, as I have either e-mailed or spoken to you...unless of course, you're a complete stranger.
Life as I know it has changed forever. Life as many people know it, no matter where you find yourself, may have changed forever. The reality in which I live in at this very moment consists of a few tons of cleaning and antiseptic supplies, shovels, rakes, heavy duty garbage bags, incessant heat and humidty, the loss of certain creature comforts, the loss of certain peace of mind, the loss of a home...figuratively, thank God. It consists of armed guardsmen at every corner, sporting a myriad of high powered assault weapons. It consists of friends and family being scattered around the country. It consists of layer upon layer of confusion and mass amounts of ambiguous emotion. It consists of a 3 hour struggle in traffic to travel five miles. It contains thousands of relief workers and volunteers handing out water, bags of ice, MRE's, used clothing and glimmers of hope.
In the two weeks since the only hometown I've ever known endured it's largest beating in history, life is trying it's best to return to some type of normalcy. In certain instances, it succeeds. In others, it fails miserably. The debris extraction has begun. It gives us a false sense of life as we used to know it...that is, until you travel the 10 feet beyond the clean up point and you are quickly reminded of exactly what did happen.
In the stale, dank air of Southern Mississippi...air that is perfumed with the scents of rotting food and decaying cadavers of various species, in the heat of a mid September afternoon, you struggle just to keep your head on your shoulders. You struggle to save yourself from the pain that festers within. You fight your hardest to help your neighbor. Every day, you face your most difficult day...but in the midst of it all, you find a way, even if it's just for a split second, to hang on to a sliver of hope that one day, you'll remember once again where it is you are, and maybe not what it used to be like, but what it will be like...what it could be like.
I pray that's enough to pull everyone through...I pray that's enough to just keep myself fighting the good fight. Send your prayers and support, America. The outpouring has been beyond belief and the love that we all have for those that are helping cannot be contained. So, say a prayer and crack a smile...trust me...we'll feel it.
Goodnight, my friends.
Hi again. It is I. I know it's been a few months. For those of you who don't know, I am alive, I did make it. Most of you do, as I have either e-mailed or spoken to you...unless of course, you're a complete stranger.
Life as I know it has changed forever. Life as many people know it, no matter where you find yourself, may have changed forever. The reality in which I live in at this very moment consists of a few tons of cleaning and antiseptic supplies, shovels, rakes, heavy duty garbage bags, incessant heat and humidty, the loss of certain creature comforts, the loss of certain peace of mind, the loss of a home...figuratively, thank God. It consists of armed guardsmen at every corner, sporting a myriad of high powered assault weapons. It consists of friends and family being scattered around the country. It consists of layer upon layer of confusion and mass amounts of ambiguous emotion. It consists of a 3 hour struggle in traffic to travel five miles. It contains thousands of relief workers and volunteers handing out water, bags of ice, MRE's, used clothing and glimmers of hope.
In the two weeks since the only hometown I've ever known endured it's largest beating in history, life is trying it's best to return to some type of normalcy. In certain instances, it succeeds. In others, it fails miserably. The debris extraction has begun. It gives us a false sense of life as we used to know it...that is, until you travel the 10 feet beyond the clean up point and you are quickly reminded of exactly what did happen.
In the stale, dank air of Southern Mississippi...air that is perfumed with the scents of rotting food and decaying cadavers of various species, in the heat of a mid September afternoon, you struggle just to keep your head on your shoulders. You struggle to save yourself from the pain that festers within. You fight your hardest to help your neighbor. Every day, you face your most difficult day...but in the midst of it all, you find a way, even if it's just for a split second, to hang on to a sliver of hope that one day, you'll remember once again where it is you are, and maybe not what it used to be like, but what it will be like...what it could be like.
I pray that's enough to pull everyone through...I pray that's enough to just keep myself fighting the good fight. Send your prayers and support, America. The outpouring has been beyond belief and the love that we all have for those that are helping cannot be contained. So, say a prayer and crack a smile...trust me...we'll feel it.
Goodnight, my friends.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Welcome Back, Pauly
Wow. Hi everyone. It has been well over a year since I last blogged away. I can see, to my pleasant surprise, that blogger has made some changes. Good deal, folks.
So much has happened since I last wrote anything that I dare not even try to cram it all in. I'm not sure how to even give the short version of it all. Some people are no longer with us, others have joined us, the world has changed, the streetlight at the end of the road has gone out. So many things, so many things. Hmm...let's see.
Well, last summer, I almost died. I spent about two months battling complication after complication all while in a dire condition brought about by a tiny little kidney stone. Those bastards! It was grueling, it was horrible. It was the most triumphant and terrifying period in my life. It haunts me to this very moment.
Hmm. Oh yes! I got a new job. I love it. I'm no longer working on the Hellmouth. I'm a financial rep now with a terrific company (not sure if I'm allowed to mention company names on this site). It's getting off to a slow, meager start, but I'm loving it and I'm actually making a difference in people's lives now, which is completely fulfilling. So, keep your fingers crossed for me.
The last time I posted, I had all these plans laid out. I had all these desires to break away and move somewhere new and visit this place and that place...and let me share something with you one year later. There is nothing wrong with wanting all of that, but the happiness you think it will bring is already here. You just have to learn to look in the right place.
Much love, much love.
P.
Wow. Hi everyone. It has been well over a year since I last blogged away. I can see, to my pleasant surprise, that blogger has made some changes. Good deal, folks.
So much has happened since I last wrote anything that I dare not even try to cram it all in. I'm not sure how to even give the short version of it all. Some people are no longer with us, others have joined us, the world has changed, the streetlight at the end of the road has gone out. So many things, so many things. Hmm...let's see.
Well, last summer, I almost died. I spent about two months battling complication after complication all while in a dire condition brought about by a tiny little kidney stone. Those bastards! It was grueling, it was horrible. It was the most triumphant and terrifying period in my life. It haunts me to this very moment.
Hmm. Oh yes! I got a new job. I love it. I'm no longer working on the Hellmouth. I'm a financial rep now with a terrific company (not sure if I'm allowed to mention company names on this site). It's getting off to a slow, meager start, but I'm loving it and I'm actually making a difference in people's lives now, which is completely fulfilling. So, keep your fingers crossed for me.
The last time I posted, I had all these plans laid out. I had all these desires to break away and move somewhere new and visit this place and that place...and let me share something with you one year later. There is nothing wrong with wanting all of that, but the happiness you think it will bring is already here. You just have to learn to look in the right place.
Much love, much love.
P.
Sunday, February 01, 2004
...a big easy bore...
Hi folks. The game's over...no one commercial really wowed me...I'm disappointed. I have been made happier by repeats of prime time staples...which has led me to my new crush...Eliza Dushku...anyone who's seen "Buffy" or "Angel" knows that the resident bad girl is a sexy little kitten, made sexier by the heavy black eyeliner, the rebellious tatoos and a cute ass to boot.
So, now that I have that out of the way. Didn't do much this weekend...went over to the Big Easy for the night. It started out fun, but quickly went downhill. The weather was more than likely an indicator of things to come. I did manage to find a nice hotel to stay at. The Cotton Exchange Hotel on Carondolet St...a historic building, renovated two years ago, who's design was inspired by Degas. I loved it and it's winding hallways coated in murals. The aquarium was a nice departure, Bourbon was nearly dead. It was roughly 45 degrees, windy and drizzling for the entire night. It was miserable...but, being carinval season, there were obviously a few Mardi Gras balls in town, which yielded quite a few formally attired young hotties, walking in a cloud of drunken breath down Bourbon, revealing various body parts for no apparent reason...not even for beads! That was the highlight of the night. I quickly found comfort in my sleep, knowing that when I opened my eyes the next morning, it would be time to return home. The next trip will be better, I'm sure of it. I guess the cosmos was out of whack or something along those lines...we'll place the blame on that.
So, now I sit here, watching t.v. and blogging away, wondering what I'll wear to work tomorrow, thinking of an excuse to call in...and my mind is again worn out...go figure.
...and all that stuff, goodnight.
paul
Sunday, January 25, 2004
...lost in generation what?
Clint Eastwood accepts Sean Penn's award and gives his own speech? Nuts.
Anyhow...you know what I hate about Biloxi, MS? We never get the good movies. That's almost reason enough for me to hit the road. Like "Monster," for instance...want to see that movie so bad I can taste it...will it ever play here in humble, conservative, podunk Biloxi? Most likely, not. Send me a big city multi-plex, PLEASE! Ahh, whatever. People in larger cities hate the noise, long for a quiet, small town life. People in small towns hate the quiet, the smell of cow dung, long for a big city life. We'll never be happy, will we? I guess that's why God created the suburbs.
Hey, question...What generation am I a part of? I'm guessing I'm part of the generation too lazy to name itself...maybe the steroids in meat products have a side effect of doing away with all forms of motivation? Who knows. I was just thinking today...how nice it must be to stand for something, you know? To be a part of a quest, or a fight, or a march belonging to something of some meaning. To find something that awakens passion, that makes the eyes light up, to turn your ears red because of the adrenaline that runs through the veins...I hope that before my time has expired, that I'll have found something, a cause, that I'll be able to help out, that I'll be able to contribute time to in hopes that something better will come as a result of that. Or maybe I should just take up traveling as my main pasttime? Whatever.
dream about it...goodnight...
paul
